Comments on: No answers, just thoughts.

by: alison

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 16:46:20 +0000

Chica. Lots of adjusting, not just to a new addition to your household & Miss M in daycare, but all the fun & frenzy that accompanies a wedding. Once that is behind you…it’s about finding balance. AND, I think it’s a continually evolving process. You need Maya time, couple time, and you time.

Given that I work FT, my immediate attention is G until bedtime and then I have TWO glorious hours of me/couple time. True much of that time is chores like cleaning, or running to the store for something, or catching up on email. But often DH and I will say, hey, on X day, after G goes to bed let’s have dinner together or watch a movie- so you have build in mini-dates and you plan your other demands accordingly. But then, this is after 10 yrs of partnership…and we could always use more “us” time. I can easily be chatting early morning/late night and DH is like ?!?!. He just wants to chill and not be serious or have any serious conversations.

Good luck on your journey- you’re not alone!

by: Mary P

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 14:10:48 +0000

I have three kids (two who live at home), five stepkids, one partner, and I run a daycare in my home. My small home. And I’m more introvert than extrovert (though I’m very close to the middle). That’s a lot of crowding.

A few years back, I was miserable: I was lethargic, I didn’t want sex, conversations (which normally, I LOVE) exasperated me, I was irritable. Everything was So.Much.Work.

My partner, bless him, identified and diagnosed the problem. We arranged that I would have every Saturday to myself. From 8 or 9 in the morning, when I left the house, I was to do whatever I wanted, all day long.

I’d go to the library, I’d window shop, I’d take my laptop to a coffee shop. I’d be alone, just me and my thoughts. It made a world of difference.

I suspect there is time in your day for an hour to yourself (particularly once the wedding’s over). Or perhaps a block of time once or twice a week. Sounds to me like the trick is going to be *allowing* yourself the time, guilt-free. But you must, of course: for the sake of your relationship, for the sake of your emotional health. And I’m sure you will!

by: taryn

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:59:37 +0000

I just read over what I wrote and maybe I got it a bit wrong — it’s not about fitting everyone in but just getting your thoughts out. Don’t feel guilty about taking time to clear your head! You will be that much better of a wife/mother just by doing the simple task of getting your thoughts out, and most importantly will feel more grounded and like yourself. Because you ARE a writer, and need to write!

by: taryn

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:32:52 +0000

Allison it’s very important to make time for yourself! And, as wonderful (yay!) as your new relationship is it is still a change from raising your daughter by yourself and everything being about either her or you. Now you WANT to make time for Mike but maybe somehow you are getting lost a bit in the process? Don’t let that happen! I just got into your blog as soon as you stopped writing which was horrible b/c I loved reading what you had to say! So that would be great if you could pick it back up… ! But honestly, I think you are experiencing what many wives/mothers do these days in trying to divy up time for everyone, including yourself. I finally joined Match (!) and it has only been a week and a half and I am already feeling guilty/frustrated with wanting to be with Skye all the time but also wanting to find a man for me to have as a partner (so put myself above my child — how do i do that??)! Good luck and keep writing — you are such an intersting writer and it is a shame if you don’t continue for us readers!

by: ninjanun

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 02:50:01 +0000

Hey, congrats on the upcoming wedding!! Sorry the Pete and I won’t be able to make it, but we sincerely appreciate the invite (the invitations are lovely, btw).

I understand yours and Mike’s dilemna concerning introvert/extrovert. Maybe you could spend some time first thing in the morning journaling? This would clear your head before work/house duties, and allow you to get in touch with yourself better. It sounds like it’s important, not only for you, but for your daughter and fiance as well, to make time for yourself. Think of it as your daily “meditation/devotional” time or whatever, but without all that self-imposed guilt and religiousness. Instead of doing it cause you HAVE to, think of it as “getting to spend time alone with myself.”

Hope you’re doing okay in these final days leading up to the big day!

xoxo