The only non-tacky way I know of to let people know is by word-of-mouth (same way as if you’re registered somewhere). Let all immediate family know, and let them spread the word when people come asking about “where the couple is registered.”

Good responses might include:

“well, since they’re combining two already-established households, they don’t really need towels and dishes or anything. But I know they’d appreciate some spending money for their honeymoon!” or something similar.

We encouraged people (via our families) to give us cash and gift cards to where we were registered, since having the wedding in OK, flying to Maui for our honeymoon, and then flying back to Seattle meant we couldn’t carry any big wedding presents with us. (In fact, it’s been four years, and I think there are STILL some presents for our wedding at my in-laws’ house!). Also, we already had a lot of stuff as well, since we each lived on our own for 3-4 years out of college. We registered a few places, since most of our stuff WAS bachelor/ette quality stuff, and it was nice to get a few things like a nice set of pots and pans, but it’s not like if people didn’t get us stuff we couldn’t set up house. We were relying on the registery mostly to let people know what we needed (and by default, didn’t need). We used most of the cash and all of the gift cards a few weeks after we returned from our honeymoon, and it became quite obvious what we really wanted off our registery, and what we could live without. Vacuum cleaner and extra frying pan=essential; 300-thread count sheets, not so much.

Naturally, there will always be a handful of people who insist on getting you an actual, physical present. Not much you can do about that, other than return it to get something you are more likely to use (let’s hope they didn’t have it engraved or monogrammed!).

Sorry for the long post; I hope you don’t mind the advice. I just love weddings and shizzle.

1. It was us vs. planning the thing long-distance; Seattle to Oklahoma. So it took about that long to plan where to have it (since my parents had to scope for places), where to have the reception, how/where to order cake, flowers, dress, etc. What things would we be bringing with us, vs. what things could we trust someone else to find locally.

2. Having that long of an engagement was nice in terms of us being able to plan (for the most part) our dream wedding, pick out exactly what we wanted (of what we could control) and the inevitable wait-times that often accompany such things as finding the perfect wedding dress, further customizing it with embroidery and fittings, finding the perfect cake, and OH! coordinating your entire 15-member Bridal Party, all of which were coming from out-of-state with you! :0

3. We occupied our time and tried to save some $$ by making a lot of things ourselves, such as the wedding invitations, wedding favors (CD’s), decorations, and lots of other nice little “special touches.” Of course, you know me, I’m EXTREMELY picky when it comes to anything related to design, so having things exactly the way I wanted was crucial. Those 7 months were essential to do so many of those elements myself.

If I had it to do-over, there’s very little I would change. Probably just make sure the sound system was hooked up properly (you couldn’t hear Stevie Wonder’s vocals on our 1st dance; just the music).

Of course, I know in the long-run having a happy marriage and good memories is the important thing; not whether the wedding invitations were perfect or the cake had the right shade of frosting!

We’ve actually figured out the ceremony and reception locations (splurging on those) and the philosophy for the rings (going inexpensive, getting something nicer for an anniversary down the road)…so that’s a decent start. Honeymoon is still totally a big question mark other than the ideal timing of around Christmas/NYE. Of course, after the ceremony/reception, spending money on a honeymoon might be painfully difficult, ack.

One of my “digging around online” subjects today was to try to learn if there’s any delicate and appropriate way to let people know that we already have two of everything, so we really don’t need household items, but that cash is good. There’s no good way. No non-tacky good way, at least…and I’m a big non-fan of tacky. Oh well…instead of Lasik, I get to throw a bash. Being able to read the clock in the middle of the night is overrated, right?

1) Spend the first 7 months 1,509 miles apart with no cell phones and limited e-mail

2) Look very very busy those 7 months working like a dog, stopping occasionally to admire your ring, while your mom makes all the arrangements without a word of complaint

3) Spend the last three months losing hair, freaking like a stressmonkey, and being a pain in the ass to those who love you

4) Spend the first three months of marriage writing glorious thank you notes to make up for being such a pain in the ass to those who love you

5) Spend the rest of your life loving the b-jeezus out of your spouse for committing to love you in all your stressmonkey bridezillaness and by extension all future psychotic episodes

That’s all. It’s a walk in the park.

I should embroider #5 on a pillow.

Just so you know, you have not exhibited any pain in the assness except for that effin’-resplendent glow of ethereal happiness so you’re miles ahead of the game. Enjoy!