Updated below.

Ha…I found this in my “who’s viewed me recently” list:

Sure you can find all kinds of guys on match, so below are some of the types of guys who you will probably find on here… (Okay, I am a smarta$$… but it’s fun…)

1. Mr. Pretty Boy: — Hey, he looks good on your arm, but you certainly can’t have a conversation with him about real things… He is usually the rebound guy, or the guy you needed for a fun night out on the town after about 8 months of not getting any…

Make assumptions about my sexual behavior much? Yeeesh. Truth is, I *have* met “pretty” boys before who actually had brains. The two are not mutually exclusive.

2. Mr. Young Guy: (aka the predictable guy)– Your girlfriends talked you into going out this this guy, you maybe even got the deer in the headlights look, because he has a nice bod, but you got him home and he was done in 5 mins., was it worth it?

See previous comment re: sex. Besides that, since when does “young” = “built”? The few times I’ve dated men significantly younger than myself (say, more than five years), they were usually the “oddly mature and grounded” types, like the one who was pursuing Economics graduate study and already had started two businesses by the age of 24. Hmmm…he *was* cute, even if he was blonde. (I’ve been thinking about my “type” preferences because of a conversation at Feministe. I have a definite preference for darker coloring for skin/hair.)

3. Mr. Clueless Guy: (aka the needy guy) — Those bad boys have been the bane of your existence ever since high school, sure it was fun to rattle your parents when you were 17, but you are a woman now & all those bad boys have broken your heart over and over… You decide to go out with this guy, but he is clueless, he is awkward at the bar, awkward with your friends, does everything you tell him to do… Hey, you might as well get a puppy it’s just as much work!

Wow, what a walking stereotype this guy seems to be. 1) I’ve never had a thing for “the bad boys.” B) The awkward guys are only work if you let them be work. And really, they can make for some fabulous friends!

4. Mr. Romantic Guy: (aka the boorish guy)– He is constantly bringing you flowers & chocolate & lighting candles during dinner. He calls you often to let you know he is thinking about you, & looks into your eyes & tells you how he feels. Wow, all that appreciation, how will you deal with it?

Hmmm. Since when is being sweet “boorish” behavior? Unless this guy is calling me multiple times per day (and/or ignores my comment that I don’t have time now, but will later), I don’t see this as annoying behavior.

5. Mr. Confident Guy: (aka the arrogant guy)– He is totally secure & sure of himself. He is assertive in public, & gives off an aura of power and control (within reason, of course) In a relationship, he doesn’t get jealous of other men; he doesn’t feel threatened by your male friends or coworkers.

Do you see what he did there? Arrogant = positive. Ah, but you, my friend might find him intimidating, and THAT is why you consider him arrogant. It couldn’t possibly be that he is arrogant. Reality to Mr. Match: there is a big (enormous!) difference between confidence and arrogance. If anything, I typically find that beneath the bluster, arrogant men are sorely lacking in confidence. Confident men are sexy. Arrogant men? Buh-bye.

Let’s chat for a few minutes to allow me to figure out which girl you are… Let’s meet for a water for 20 mins, that way we can minimize our time wasted… LOL Now wasn’t that better than your usual boring profile?

It was entertaining. I’ll give him that much. You notice how Mr. Profile doesn’t classify himself (I think we’re supposed to assume he’s #5), but sets himself up as the judge, attorney, and jury for the women he meets?

What a tool.

Update: I realized, in re-reading this, that if I were 22, and he were 24, this might be funny. It would still be inaccurate and annoying, but it might actually be more funny. This guy is 35, FTLOG. 35 freakin’ years old, and he talks like he’s 16. Blech.