First Grade
Published by Allison August 21st, 2006 in Psychology, Personality, & Mental HealthThe girl sits in the classroom, in her tattered red shirt that she’s chewed on during anxiety. The teacher continues to talk, but it sounds like the wah-wah-wah of a Peanuts adult. The other kids seem to follow her, and no one notices that the girl is lost and scared. She’s alone, and no one cares that she’s behind the pack.
But I’m supposed to be at the front of the pack! I’m supposed to do everything right! What if I can’t be perfect? They’ll send me back. They already have one perfect one, so they don’t need me, after all…
The light walks into the room and taps the girl on the shoulder, and beckons her to follow.
But, I’m already behind! I’m running as fast as I can, but I can’t keep up!
You’re running on the wrong track, silly. That’s not your race. Come over here.
The light leads her to an obstacle course — one that requires problem solving, and moving back and forward, and jumping up and down.
But, how will I keep up with them, if I’m moving back and forward?
The question is, how will they keep up with you while you’re dancing? Stop trying to run. You’re made to dance.
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I am astounded at how simple and profound this is. This is amazing. I think it could really be a completely new understanding of yourself in front of others. If you have let go of that pain and let the fear stay with the lie, you will probably find yourself making decisions based on truth instead of this lie that you will be dumped.
What’s beautiful is that this wasn’t where I expected the story to go at all. I fully expected encouragement, tutoring…maybe a hand up.
Hell, yes.
I’m tired of running. I wanna dance, too.
That is so very reminiscent of my grade school experience. I almost cried after I read it.
If only I had the right music…
:-)
Dorsey & Mermade: I’ll put on the tunes. Right now, I’m leaning toward Kirsti MacColl with a salsa feel and more than a little attitude. Then again, IRL, I have Frank Sinatra on the stereo, so maybe I should just run with that. Nah. It’s too tame. Cubanisimo or the like would better suit my current mood.
Amanda: I’m glad that this meant something to you. What’s weird is that halfway through that year in school, we transferred to another town, and in my new (public, rather than magnet) school, I made straight As without even breaking a sweat. From then on, my confidence was set.
Still, I wish that I’d understood the value of being oneself at a younger age. In a family of Guardian parents…not so easy to do for an Idealist such as myself.
Ooohh, I think I just threw my hip out.
No problem. That’ll me on the floor, doing jazz hands. Somebody get me a drink.
*shimmy shimmy shimmy*
sashay, skip, spin around
Here you go (handing Dorsey something cold and refreshing).