Shouldn’t someone inform Jim that
black just isn’t his color?

I just received (and deleted, heh) an email from Sojourners, urging me to sign up for their Politics and Spirituality conference — with this image attached.

You see, if I go to Pasadena in September, I’m cool like Jim Wallis, Anne Lammot, and whoever that other guy is. C’mon. All the cool kids are doing it. Don’t you want to be cool, too?

While I have no intention to attend this conference (even though it could potentially be interesting), the peer-pressure mode of advertising reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to ponder: Coolness and belonging. What IS the in crowd? What does it mean to be part of it?

First, I suppose I’d have to decide who defines what’s “in.” If we’re talking feminism, there’s a definite clique that includes the authors at Pandagon, Feministe, Punkass Blog, and Feministing to name only a few. For politics, The Daily Kos boasts 100+ comments on even its open threads. There’s a certain culture of “groupies” who follow the busier blogs, and frankly, it reminds me of high school.

(This is where I should mention that I’m not really heading anywhere with this. I’m thinking out loud. Gee, what a surprise.)

In general, I find myself rebelling against the idea of being anyone’s groupie. I balk even more at the idea of trying to become one of the “in” bloggers. Frankly, I spent all of high school (and most of college and my 20s!) desperately trying to first ascertain what was the “right” crowd to become part of, then striving to fit in. Guess what? When you try to fit in, you simply won’t. Several years ago, I realized that presenting a face (really, a mask) to the world was exhausting, and that it was much simpler to simply figure out who I want to be, and to become that. If what people see is me, through and through (hello, integrity), then it’s no longer my problem to manage how I’m perceived. From there, the folks who get me and who I am will, over time, land in my life.

I love being an adult, because there’s no longer a feeling of pressure on me to hold the right views, listen to the “cool” music, dress a certain way, and hang with all the popular crowd. If that’s true in my real life, there’s really no reason that shouldn’t be true in my bloggy life.

At one point, I talked to a friend about this blog, and about how (in comparison with many other blogs) it seems unfocused. I don’t just talk politics. I don’t just talk culture. I use a personal voice, and tell my own stories about my real life. It’s what works for me, and I like the reality that comes with it, even when it means I get criticized about my choices. While I’m not one of the popular kids in the blogosphere, I’ve come to realize that I have no desire to become one. What a relief to just get to be myself.

Alrighty, done navel-gazing for today…back to work!