Up at Feministe, Oh, No! My Boyfriend’s Fat!
Zuzu talks about a columnist’s advice to a woman who finds her boyfriend’s body a bit of a turn-off:

What I like about Cary’s advice in this case is this: he recognizes that she’s being honest, and he gives her an honest answer — which includes a reminder that fat people are quite aware that we’re fat.
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And I also like that he tells her to forgive herself and not judge herself for not being attracted to fat men. This is something I feel pretty strongly about — if you’re not attracted to fat people, you’re not (of course, that’s not the same as acting as if fat people are stupid, or disgusting, or what have you merely for existing).

In the wake of last week’s email dumping, I blubbered and cried, and generally got freaked out for a bit. To be clear (again), it wasn’t losing the guy that was the issue. He has every right to be attracted to whatever attracts him, and at least took the time to understand himself and cut loose rather than wasting my time. The real big deal was that his email made me realize *I* had the same issue with myself: ie, I wasn’t attracted to me.

This is a problem, but getting that out in the open (to myself) has already made a huge difference. I shopped last Friday, and purchased clothing that looks good on me *now* — a duh-factor moment, but something I’d been resisting, as I didn’t want to buy clothing that “I’d only wear for a few months anyway.” Hey, at the rate things are going, it could be a few months. It could also be a few years. Why not look fabulous in the meantime? (FWIW, I’ve dropped 4-5 pounds in the two weeks since returning to Effexor. What was that about stress and weight gain? This is partly about self-medicating with ice cream, but not even close to entirely.)

Back to Feministe: I’m pleased to see that people are treating this woman humanely. Seeing her reaction (she came and commented on the thread) to commenters’ words was enlightening for me, too. It’s not that she wants to not be attracted to her boyfriend’s (fat) body. It just is. She’s mature enough to realize that her guy has a lot going for him and to honestly look at whether the fat is a deal-breaker. Good for her, whatever choice she makes.