Eh, more likely just an excuse to procrastinate for five minutes…

I’m starting to think I should offer profile consulting to people on match.com (men and women alike — but definitely men, since I’ve read hundreds of men’s profiles over the years). What would one charge for that, anyway?

Received:

From: tallman
To: (me)
Subject: hi

Hello….I am a 35 year old divorced white male with no kids. I am tall, average build, brown hair and eyes. If you are interested, please respond….(first name)

His profile statement was nearly the exact same text. After that was the “nice guy” interests — cuddling on the sofa, going out to dinner, and going to the movies. (”Hip” guys all say they like sushi, and “sporty” guys have all just read Lance Armstrong’s bio. This is so predictable as to be comedic.) For hot spots, he said dinner and a movie would be a first date, and he just returned from Vegas, which was “cool.”

That’s nice and all, except that he lives in Kansas. Not close to the Colorado border, either. Beyond that, he made the sadly common error of sending out a form letter email. There was something a bit sweeter about this one (almost innocent…can’t exactly say why), so I was nicer on the reply. I genuinely hope he gets my point — it’ll help him meet “the one.”

Replied:

From: (me)
To: tallman
Subject: Thanks for the note.

Hey there — I’m not interested, but here are a few recommendations for you to take or leave as you might:

1. Your profile tells me pretty much nothing about you — I highly recommend you write something that gives a bit more description of yourself. All that I know from reading is that a) you’re tall (duh!) and b) you enjoy the stereotypical “guy” activities.
2. Your email to me was incredibly generic, something that you could send to twenty very different people without batting an eye. If you’re genuinely interested in knowing a woman, tell her what in her profile sparked your interest. Was it her wry sense of humor? Her megawatt smile? Her affection for basket-weaving, a hobby you share? Letting her know what you have in common increases the likelihood that she’ll want to know you.
3. Post a photo. Really. Just do it. It’s only fair.

Good luck on your search!

As I’ve said before, when I first did the “match thing” years ago, my profile was pretty generic, and filled with all of the “guy’s girl” bullshit that generated a million responses. From what I understand, many girls with those profiles are still out there…but they’re not me. I’m just glad I finally got a better idea of what it meant to be me.

Still, even with a relatively specific profile, I’ve been getting firebombed this weekend. What is it, national find-a-date week? God, I hate dating. Hate. It.

I liked one comment that the man I met this weekend made when I mentioned how long I’ve been considering grad school (too long). “Instead of considering it, why not just do it? I may never actually be ready to date, but if I want to meet someone, it’s just what I have to do.” (rough paraphrase, of course). I realized that yeah…that is how this feels.

Dating used to be fun when it was full of the anticipation and the idea of meeting the one who’s meant to be. “Meant to be” is a topic with which I could occupy a soapbox for a full day or three. I *hate* the phrase “meant to be,” largely because I bought into it for so long.

Anyway…I have no point today…I’m just rambling. And whining. You see, it’s work to get back “out there,” and it’s downright irritating.