(no, not in the head)

When I first shared the news of my pregnancy with my parents, they were (as I’m sure you’d understand) pretty shocked. After a few weeks, the news had sunk in and became more real to them. They also (finally) started to believe me when I told them that I had absolutely no intentions whatsoever to marry. At one point, about six weeks after I broke the news, my father gave me a speech about how I owed it to the baby to give it up for adoption, because doesn’t a child deserve to have a mother AND a father?

I kept my shit together through the “conversation” — quotes, because anything I had to contribute to the discussion was, well, ignored — then bawled all of the way home. Why in the world was I staying in Colorado (before learning of pregnancy I was considering moving to Austin for grad school)? My family was supposed to be “the reason,” but if this is what I was facing, I’d be much better off living somewhere else, far away, where they weren’t ever-present to make an already-difficult situation that much tougher. I didn’t speak to my father for about a month, at which point, he apologized, and said that some friends from their former church in Louisiana had set him straight about what exactly it might be that I’d need as a single pregnant woman. Um…love, people.

Received yesterday in a newsletter:

It Only Takes a Spark

“Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
The tongue also is a fire…” James 3:5-6

Scripture warns us that the tongue is often a chief cause of conflict…Reckless words, spoken hastily and without thinking, inflame many conflicts. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Prov. 12:18; cf. Prov 13:3; 17:28; 21:23; 29:20). Although we may seldom set out deliberately to hurt others with our words, sometimes we do not make much of an effort not to hurt others. We simply say whatever comes to mind without thinking about the consequences. In the process, we may hurt and offend others, which only aggravates conflict.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 121.

Food for Thought

Do your words heal or pierce? Not sure? Look at the people around you.

But first, let’s take a little stroll down memory lane for a moment. In the 70’s, many Christians were singing, “It only takes a spark, to get a fire going.” Remember that? And while that song was referring to the fire of God’s love, that phrase always brought to mind James’ warnings concerning the tongue. How about this one? “Only you can prevent forest fires.” Smokey the Bear’s deep-throated plea emphasized the incendiary potential of our personal irresponsibility.

Now, how about looking back at last month or last week? Was there any time when just one of your words could have been described as reckless? Or was there even one moment when you just said what you felt with an attitude of “I’m not responsible for how she interprets this, I’m just going to say it.” Does anything like that feel familiar? If so, if you look beyond the “memory lane” you’re strolling down, you may see a scorched landscape.

The culture in which we live seems to worship the reckless word; the popular people just call it being “snarky.” For some reason, we’ve equated reckless with being wide-eyed and grown-up. The reality is that reckless should be equated with near-sighted and immature. Our marriages, families, schools, churches and country are ablaze. Oh, of course, we really didn’t mean to set them on fire, but we really didn’t make the effort to not set them on fire, either. Memory without responsibility leaves us nostalgic and blind, with smoke in our eyes because our hearts are on fire. Remember, through the power of the Holy Spirit, only you can prevent those fires set by reckless words.

Received today, in an email from my father (along with this same newsletter):

This article really pierced my heart. Please hear me when I say how sorry I am for the things I said to you when you first told us you were pregnant. I only hope this is a lesson that I don’t have to learn again….God is good; but not easy. Love…..Dad

Even though I forgave dad long ago for this trauma, it still helps me to read this. My parents (dad especially) drive me batty from time to time, but never think that they’re not some of the best people around. I’m blessed to have them.