Funny how similar our upbringings were; I’d thought the same when I read some of your story — except that I believe my parents were much, much more supportive than yours. That’s the weird guilt part of all of this. As I posted later, my parents are really good people…it’s not that they’ve tried to manipulate me. We leave that for my grandmother, and even lately, I’ve started to recognize that much of her manipulation is rooted in pain. That said, I think they focused more on having a well-behaved *child* than on raising a productive *adult.* I hope to do better with Maya.

No advice needed, but I feel good knowing that the shoulder is there. Overall, I’m pretty damned happy with where/who I am these days. After I made the decision to remain in Colorado Springs, I realized that it was a good one. Moving to another city in an effort to assert my independence (”so there!”) would really just be running away from my own issues to address.

Why does it all have to be so difficult?

I have no advice to offer (and would you really want it anyway?). I mean, I’m younger than you and probably less experienced anyway, and I don’t think I’m in any place to offer anyone advice about this sort of thing, seeing as how I still struggle with issues of self-esteem and being my own person (and accepting that person). But please know that I am here as a virtual shoulder to lean on, and I can understand where you’re coming from.