Here’s the background: a gal joined a playdate group I participate in from time to time, and we discovered that we live relatively close to each other. Granted, I’m in a teeny-tiny condo, and she’s up on the hill behind Garden of the Gods in a neighborhood that is VERY high end. The money was obvious from the time we met (big-as-a-house Lexus SUV, perfectly understated — yet fashionable — clothing in a size 2, beautiful and tasteful enormous rock set in platinum on her left hand, bugaboo frog stroller, etc), and I found it intimidating at first — but then learned that she’s going through a potentially nasty divorce from her (abusive) husband and realize that perhaps I needed to give her the benefit of the doubt and get over myself. (After all, the Buffies and Biffs of the world have problems too.)

This part is MY issue, and I know it — but as much as I like money, I find myself alternately jealous and disdainful of the “moneyed” types. (rolling eyes at myself)

Anyway, she and I have talked about getting together some weekday for a playdate at her house for our girls — hers is 18mo, then of course, mine is 11 months. Really, it would be more about letting the moms hang out, I suppose. All was good…but this comment in a last email SCORCHED me. I’d posted something about trying to figure out daycare and asking for recommendations — I had a job interview, then a second interview for a job that would have started very quickly. (The job is a no-go, by the way, and thoughts about work are another post that I may or may not write soon.)

I understand about the daycare. Since I have always been home with (daughter), it would kill me to have her with strangers during the day. But I do realize some parents need that break. And if you’ve been doing it alone all of this time then you are probably one of them!

WTF???

Chances are, the comment was innocent, but really…what the hell was she thinking? The more “base” part of me keeps thinking well, maybe in YOUR world, people only work for entertainment? Or perhaps she’s one of these snobs about SAHM versus WOHM? After a few days, I replied this morning:

FirstName,

You seem like a nice woman, so I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt. I seriously doubt you intended to say something offensive, rude, or presumptuous.

What in the world ever gave you the idea that I’m looking for work to “get a break” from my daughter?

Allison

So, am I was off-base here? Guess it’s too late if I am, but at this point, I don’t really give a sh*t about having a playdate.

Follow up:
She responded, and quickly — and as I suspected, her intentions were good (trying to find a silver lining on leaving Maya in daycare), but her choice of words wasn’t the best. If she’d mad the same comment, but phrased it that I’ll enjoy interaction with other adults (as opposed to needing time away from Maya), I know I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. I’m relieved, but also glad that I brought up the question, because I would have resented it otherwise. As it stands, I still have a new potential friend — one with whom I can be straight and know that she’ll do the same to me. This is a good thing. Of course, a playdate in Buffy-land sounds fun too, grin.